List Mania

The internet is full of lists these days. Ten things you’ll agree with if you love cats. Five signs that confirm you are a Shopaholic! Ten things you have to deal with if you are in an unwanted Whatsapp group! Are these lists supposed to make you feel special? Are they supposed to make the others feel left out?  Not to despair though- with the myriad lists that exist out there, you can always find a handful to fit your mood, or height or personal peeve.

In any case, who even reads these lists, notwithstanding the dozen people on my daily Facebook feed who share them? Most of them (the lists, not the people) are a wee bit lame. I mean, we all have that best friend who knows our first crush…or some version of this friend and personal detail. But clearly, I must be reading these lists since I know that they’re lame. *sheepish grin* Okay, next question- who writes these lists? What goes into making such a list? What kind of research does it entail? Can you be a professional list writer? What does it pay you?

Today seemed like a good day to start making my own non-lame, non-generic, extremely insightful list. So here it is…

“Five Pitfalls of Being Married to an Enthu Cutlet”

An enthu cutlet, for those of you who do not know, is an earnest, eager beaver who is able to muster up inordinate amounts of energy, inspiration and enthusiasm towards a variety of things. I didn’t make that up- just ask the interwebs.

While being married to one can be a lot of fun, it can also get on your nerves because:

  1. In the mornings when you wake up groggy and cross with the world, you find said cutlet bouncing off the walls with all their cutlet energy.
  2. They don’t bother with people or situations that pull them down- they have a way of ignoring these things without getting worked up. I mean, come on!! How can you not get worked up about stuff like that? I get worked up thinking about not getting worked up!
  3. Enthu cutlets do not spend a moment in self-pity. They march ahead, no matter what the situation filling the world with their incessant positivity, reveling in their “inner peace.” Grrr!!!
  4. Moreover, they insist on speaking out and taking action on issues/ problems because the world needs to be fixed. This could mean sticking their noses where they should not be, taking liberties with people without asking, and engaging in other such socially “inappropriate” activities.
  5. Two words: spousal heartburn.

All this does not mean that enthu cutlets are not lazy. They can be plenty lazy, which leads to selective cutlet-giri. This means more annoying moments, like that time…

  1. When your cutlet did not feel inspired by the same thing as you.
  2. When your cutlet had an inertia-induced enthusiasm fail and let you down at the most inopportune moment. Read: foot in mouth. Also read: serves you right for speaking for someone else.
  3. Two words: spousal heartburn.

This post has no reference to any specific person, dead or alive…or maybe it does! Let’s be honest though- most good things in the world happen because of enthu cutlets, because somebody is nice enough to do the grunt work even if it does not benefit them directly.   I dedicate this post to all the amazing enthu cutlets in my life, and their even more amazing spouses.

On a side note, cutlets made from mixed veggies are yummy. Ones made from minced goat meat are the yummiest.


2 thoughts on “List Mania

  1. how i wish i were a publisher so that i would have published your book of blog-posts in a heart-beat 🙂

    my loud guffaws as i read your post were misunderstood by folks in the vicinity but i couldn’t care less. yes, i too married an enthu-cutlet and spousal heartburn is my medal of honor that i proudly display on my war chest 😉 i remember once we were arguing about our approach to mundane things and how he continues to amass a ton of knowledge on airline rules and miles accruals and redemptions (he is an all out pro i kid you not) and transportation problems lurk at every street corner everywhere around the world… he was getting real time updates on MH-317 disappearance and recovery efforts…. Man, i know an enthu-cultlet and i have burned my hands in taking him off the stove 😉

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